There have been times in my life that I have had to separate from people in my life. These people were toxic to me for a time, during my healing process. They were family and friends that I loved dearly. These people had learned to expect me to react in a certain way in situations and many times without recognizing it they would wound me deeply with their words and actions. The lesson I chose to take from my upbringing was that I had no worth and value and my opinion or my feelings just didn’t matter. When God began to heal me of the deep wounds I carried in my soul it seemed selfish to set up boundaries with others. During the beginning of my healing process God had to begin to transform my mind and as I continued to allow people to bombard me with their opinions’ of me, it was like ripping the scab off a physical wound. If we keep ripping our wounds open we can develop very strong scar tissue around them and make it nearly impossible to heal.
God has taught me over the years that sometimes we have to separate ourselves from certain people if they refuse to respect our boundaries. We need to be careful that we don’t do this from a place of resentment or judgment, but from a place of love. This can be extremely difficult in the beginning because our wounds are still so fresh, but if we continue to seek God and trust Him to guide us we will find it gets easier over time. There’s a saying that is so true, “hurt people, hurt people “This is something to remember when we are dealing with people who have hurt us. It reminds us to remember not to cast judgment on those who are hurting us, because we don’t have the ability to look at their heart and know what they have been through. We might think we know, but no one every truly can understand how someone will react to any given situation. Some people are abused as children and grow up to be very productive and loving members of society and still others become outcasts and people who live out their lives in anger and resentment. I have truly come to believe that God can use each and every situation for good in our lives should we choose to look at them as He does. God can completely transform our lives and our relationships if we choose to surrender to His will and not fight for our right to exact revenge for ourselves.
I want to offer a word of encouragement to anyone struggling to set healthy boundaries or heal from deep wounds. God will come into your situation and change it if you seek His wisdom and abandon your own “stinkin’ thinkin”, as Joyce Meyer would say. God has redeemed many relationships in my life that I thought were completely without hope. Immerse yourself in His Word and continue to ask for His guidance in handling people that may be especially difficult for you to be around. There are some scriptures that have been useful to me during my times of healing. James 1:2-5 “2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Proverbs 3:5-6 “5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Is there someone in your life that you have to separate from for a season? Do you have a favorite verse that comforted you in your time of healing?