We have all been told that we need to trust God to supply all our needs, but what does that mean? The journey towards trusting God with my finances has been a long, sometimes painful road and I’m not sure I’ve made it yet. There have been small victories along the way, but every time we hit a bump in the road and I don’t see how we can make it the doubts surround me like a tidal wave.
The first reaction is to search back in time and look at every penny I’ve spent and beat myself up over it. Things like spending that extra ten dollars at the grocery store last week or buying a pair of sneakers that my husband needed become instruments of torture. After I’ve finished beating up on myself then I turn to wondering what others are thinking of me. Do they think I am lazy or wasteful? At times, I find myself thinking about the money other people owe me or the fact that my husband doesn’t have a better paying job. If I’m not careful these thoughts can cause an avalanche that leaves me feeling cut-off and angry at God. How can I trust God when I’m angry with Him?
Since my husband and I declared bankruptcy back in 2009, we have struggled to get back on our feet financially. Many of you may know the story of our struggle to find work and avoid losing our apartment. Things have started to come together slowly, but we still find ourselves on the edge of disaster every day. We have fought the urge to apply for a credit card which we could use in case of an emergency, and are exercising our faith that God will provide for those as well. After the bankruptcy, I realized that I was placing my trust in myself rather than God every time I chose to use my credit card rather than wait for God to provide. It was just too easy to pull out that little piece of plastic rather than ask someone for help or better still ask God to help show us the way.
The last few years, God has taught me that sometimes He provides additional work for me, He may provide a gift through someone that I can choose to receive (without guilt), or He may give me an idea for making additional income or saving money by thinking outside the box. The key is that all provision comes from Him and not from me.
Here we are in the middle of another financial crisis and thankful that God has taught me to seek Him first instead of panicking and running around trying to find the answer by myself. I did spend a day panicking before I remembered what God has taught me, but that is a definite improvement from my recent past. For now, I am trusting God to open a door and asking Him for the wisdom to know that it’s the right one when I see it.
What has God been teaching you lately? Please share so that others may be encouraged or so I can pray for you.