My husband and I dreamed of having a child for over eight years. My daughter, Asia, dreamed of having a baby brother or sister. This dream never came true, but God had the plan. I was able to get pregnant that first year, but we lost that child in the first trimester. I never got pregnant again.
After over eight years of trying, something deep inside me told me that I needed to let go of this dream or it would destroy me and my marriage. I believe it was Gods’ voice even though I didn’t recognize it at the time. It’s the first time I remember willingly letting go of something I so desperately wanted.
God says He will give us the desires of our hearts, but only if we put His kingdom first. I wasn’t seeking His Kingdom first at the time; wasn’t tuned in to His plan. This may seem cruel, but God wants only the best for us. Like a parent, God will deny us some things because He knows what’s best, not because He’s trying to hurt us.
I don’t know why we weren’t able to have a child, but looking back over the last seventeen years has made me realize that having a second child may not have been the best thing for us or the child.
When my husband and I were struggling to have a child, we didn’t know that my health was about to take a turn for the worse. My poor health would’ve made it very difficult to give the attention that another child would have required.
Our finances had always been a struggle and I don’t know how we would have managed with another mouth to feed. When we finally reached our breaking point with our finances it was easier to navigate without the worry that another child would have to suffer due to our poor choices.
We may not have been able to move to Florida. Asia may not have been able to move in with us after graduating from high school. Moving to Florida opened doors that may not have been opened otherwise.
I don’t understand why it wasn’t in God’s plan for my husband and I to have a child together, but our lives are rich and full and we are so blessed.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the child that we lost, but I thank God for the life we have and the knowledge that we will meet our child one day.
Do you have a “why” you are struggling with today? Have you struggled with a “why” in the past that now makes sense?