Broken Dreams

My husband and I dreamed of having a child for over eight years. My daughter, Asia, dreamed of having a baby brother or sister. This dream never came true, but God had the plan. I was able to get pregnant that first year, but we lost that child in the first trimester. I never got pregnant again.

After over eight years of trying, something deep inside me told me that I needed to let go of this dream or it would destroy me and my marriage. I believe it was Gods’ voice even though I didn’t recognize it at the time. It’s the first time I remember willingly letting go of something I so desperately wanted.

God says He will give us the desires of our hearts, but only if we put His kingdom first. I wasn’t seeking His Kingdom first at the time; wasn’t tuned in to His plan. This may seem cruel, but God wants only the best for us. Like a parent, God will deny us some things because He knows what’s best, not because He’s trying to hurt us.

I don’t know why we weren’t able to have a child, but looking back over the last seventeen years has made me realize that having a second child may not have been the best thing for us or the child.

When my husband and I were struggling to have a child, we didn’t know that my health was about to take a turn for the worse. My poor health would’ve made it very difficult to give the attention that another child would have required.

Our finances had always been a struggle and I don’t know how we would have managed with another mouth to feed. When we finally reached our breaking point with our finances it was easier to navigate without the worry that another child would have to suffer due to our poor choices.

We may not have been able to move to Florida. Asia may not have been able to move in with us after graduating from high school. Moving to Florida opened doors that may not have been opened otherwise.

I don’t understand why it wasn’t in God’s plan for my husband and I to have a child together, but our lives are rich and full and we are so blessed.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the child that we lost, but I thank God for the life we have and the knowledge that we will meet our child one day.

Do you have a “why” you are struggling with today? Have you struggled with a “why” in the past that now makes sense?

Please share.


5 thoughts on “Broken Dreams

  1. Tammy, you know that not only do I share your feelings over the loss of a “much” desired addition to be apart of our family, then the excitement over the thought that this “finally” was going to become.a reality for us, only to have those dreams slip through our hands the way sand just slips away from our fingers until it’s all gone. But, as u know I have had over the years “many” hopes, dreams, as well as loved ones just slip through my hands like the crystal sand upon the beaches. Beautiful, but impossible to hold onto. I have kicked & screamed, shaken my fist st God, wondered, “why me” then fell to my knees asking, “why not” me? I have struggled with my faith over the years, the trails, the ups & downs of life. But. I have “never” stopped believing in God, loving & trusting my Lord & Savior, knowing through it all that most importantly, “He” had “never” given up on me! He has never stopped loving me, He has never once had to set me down for awhile because “the burden” of carrying “me” through “all” my. troubles had become to much for Him to bare. Life’s a struggle, a journey, and I am so blessed to know that I have Him right here to listen to me, to wipe my tears away, to hold me tighter within His arms than I’ve been held before. I hear u my sister friend. I sooio get u! And, I so “love you!”

    • Thank you Nancy! God has brought me to the place where I understand that having a baby was not His best for me. If I had gotten what I thought I wanted at the time, I would not be ready to step into what He has asked me to step into right now. It took me years after making the choice to let go, for me to finally and completely let go of that dream, and that is what I hope comes through in this message.

  2. We have all been there. There have been several things in my life that I have so badly wanted and was deeply disappointed when those things did not come to fruition. But in hindsight I am glad that God shut certain doors and I am thankful that he never stopped nudging me to close some doors myself. In His infinite wisdom He keeps us from much pain and suffering and since He knows what is to come He is best qualified to determine what we receive and what we do not. It isn’t always easy to trust in the midst of pain and disappointment, but eventually He leads us through it to a better end. Thank you for sharing your heart!

    • Thanks Stacie! Yes, we’ve all been there and some of us understand why our dreams were not realized and some of us don’t, but we can always know that God has our best interest at heart!

  3. Thank you Stacie. Looking back now, I can understand why God didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. This was one of those things that God wanted me to let go of willingly, and I’m glad that He has taught me some dreams are not from Him.

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