2010 was a major turning point in my life. It was the year I gave up trying to change myself and gave God the reigns. I can see it so clearly, kneeling by my bed with tears streaming down my face and a heavy pain in my chest crying out to God. “Okay You can have my mess, see what You can do with it!” Little did I know, it was merely the beginning of my journey of surrender.
In the beginning, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. I didn’t have a sudden revelation of God’s Plan, didn’t see a burning bush or hear a booming voice tell me what to do next, just silence. The silence lasted for the next few months until a small voice told me to go to Celebrate Recovery. It was painful to go and be vulnerable to a group of women. “Women God, but I’ve always gotten along better with men?” It didn’t make sense to me, but God is still showing me things He taught me during that time.
He taught me to trust Him and not people.
He taught me listening is important.
He taught me to realize I didn’t know as much as I thought.
He taught me we are all the same, but different.
He taught me the beginning is surrender to His will, not mine.
He began to show me when I become vulnerable to others He can use me in unimaginable ways. We don’t need to trust people, because God will take care of us, but He gives us people we can share with. It’s not our job to protect ourselves, and when we try we will fail every time.
He began to show me listening to others is a gift for them and me. I’ve learned more about God by listening to the pain of others. It wasn’t just me who was suffering in this life.
He began to show me how little I knew about Him, others and myself. He humbled me and gave me the ability to become a student again.
He began to show me we are all in this together and while we have all suffered differently we have all suffered. We are all on the same playing field with God. He meets each one of us where we are and helps us in the way we need it. No one is any better than anyone else. We are all sinners saved by grace if we choose to receive it.
He began to show me how to surrender. This has been the hardest lesson to learn and I am still struggling to master this one. We fight surrender and once we finally let go and stop struggling we always wonder what took us so long.
This was the beginning and as I look back and see how far I’ve come with God, it gives me hope and faith for the future. He is always there.
Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
What has God taught you? Where are you struggling to surrender?