So it’s another day, of journeying into rest. Today my struggle is scheduling rest first. This may seem easy to you, but this is probably the most difficult task I have ever undertaken.
The accusations fly in the background of my mind, screaming telling me this is wrong. It’s selfish to schedule time to rest. Rest comes after work is done; if and when work is done, then and only then have I earned the right to rest.
I recognize this is the voice that keeps me from resting. The relentless voice always in the background that keeps me from enjoying the moment before me at any given time. This voice steals time from me. How does it steal time from me, you may ask? When I don’t allow myself to be in the present moment and enjoy the rest that I so desperately desire it keeps me from refreshing and being present with the people in my life who mean the most to me.
This voice comes from deep inside me. This voice was birthed from a need to be liked and accepted. It has kept me locked in a cycle of putting others expectations of who I should be above my own, even above what God expects of me.
Today as I made a commitment to meet a friend for an hour, we talked about this journey and how difficult it was. I shared my experience yesterday about going to the beach and having the words flow. The thought that I should bring a journal or my computer and take that time to write had come to my mind, while sitting on the beach. She cautioned me about going to the beach and making it “productive time”. Again it showed me how difficult it is for me to just be. The verse in Psalms came to my mind. Psalms 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Could it be that by learning to rest, God can move through me more effectively?
So today a step is taken, rest goes on my schedule before adding any of the have to’s. My stomach began churning immediately. There is something inherently wrong with scheduling time for fun before the work has been scheduled. (the voice screams and stomps her feet) I cling to the hope that this process will become easier and easier and I will find myself being more and more effective for God in the long run. This process will also enable me to pour more of myself into my relationships. Relationships like my marriage, my family, my friends will all benefit by me walking into the process of learning to rest.
Can you relate to this struggle? Can you share a victory you have had in this area?
Please feel free to share your struggles and victories, and again, thanks for stopping by!