Another day of journeying into rest and the voices continue to ridicule me. This morning, the mountain of “to do’s” hovered overhead as I woke. The voices began…you goofed off yesterday and now you have double to do.
My body was pain free, so now it’s time to get to work, right?
Mentally going down the list of “to do’s”…quiet time, blog, compose a card, acupuncture appointment, pet sitting, etc. There are not enough hours in the day, look at your schedule for the next three days; you will be so exhausted, blah, blah, blah.
Hopping on facebook, I find encouragement and remember, “Hey, I’m pain free today!” That’s cause to celebrate.
Taking a deep breath, I start my day and remember this is where I’m supposed to be.
My thoughts stray to understand where the voices are coming from.
They come from childhood, unfair comparisons, un-healthy expectations and wanting others to understand.
Childhood memories come flooding back…stomach plummeting as I hear the car in the driveway. Mom is home, is everything done, was something forgotten or will it meet her expectations? Will she be happy, angry or indifferent?
The unfair comparisons I make of women around me. She works full-time and still finds time to take care of her family, put a gourmet meal on the table, and date her husband. Besides accomplishing all of that she still has time to make a difference in the community, and be there for her friends. Is she human?
The un-healthy expectations formed over years of trying to have it all. If I push myself the moment I’m feeling well, I only end up back in bed unable to do anything.
Then there’s the part of me, who wants people to understand. The perceived judgment of others is it real or am I making it up? Does it matter? Is it really any of my business what they think of me?
These are the thoughts haunting me every day as I strive to enter into rest. These are the real enemy, just thoughts that’s it, but thoughts are very powerful if left unchallenged.
So today, is another day, another small step toward reaching the goal of resting without guilt.
Can you relate? Have you wrestled with the voices and overcome? Please share either way. Maybe we can support each other on this crazy journey. As always, thanks for stopping by!